Some people think society could benefit more if more students study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
Nowadays in most parts of the world being educated in sphere of business is considered to be more important than gaining knowledge about past for community. While being aware of past can benefit people for understanding their culture, I totally agree with the former view as firm-running skills are more crucial for peoples’ financial stability.
Proponents of latter view cite various reasons to support their stance. The primary one is deeper acknowledgement of traditions’ meanings. With a desire to understand the role of national routines, has come a need to explore the central point of these cultures, a reason of appearance of such cultures. Given this factor, it comes as no surprise that individuals become keen to acquire knowledge about their history, meaning that whenever they are asked about their past or ancestors, they are able to speak confidently without any arguments, eventually leaving people with good opinions about this person. In contrast, failure to explain about own traditions may give a person a sense of poverty, a feeling which can consequently decrease peoples’ self-confidence. Thus, some find history subjects to play focal role in ones position among public.
Despite this reality, I would keep my position relying on importance of knowledge in industrial sphere because of increasing likelihood of reaching success. Today, many governments are distributing low-interested credits to society with a tendency to run business, meaning that people have enhancements in opportunities of achieving their dreams associated with having a control over their own company. Moreover, the potential to gain success in financial field is rising as a result of growing rates of population, who are main consumers of products produced by manufacturers. A case in point is, Alisher Usmanov, a person who originally came from family suffering from poverty having no choice but to get privileged credit from banks, ultimately being one of the most financially tolerant entrepreneurs in Central Asia with the wealth measured above $13 billions. Were it not for acquistion of such skills, public would continue intersecting with troubles while looking for job a well-paid job, maybe being employed by unfair director having an inclination to pay salaries out of date, resulting in staffs facing with challenges while managing their capital, contributing a constant anxiety, eventually leaving them mentally weak . Hence, learning corporation skills is crucial in both economic and mental well-being.
To conclude, true, learning about heritage may be beneficial for peoples’ reputation in front of others, however good management skills may support humans’ financial independence
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “peoples’ financial stability” should be “people’s financial stability,” and “focal role in ones position among public” should be “focal role in one’s position among the public.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence construction. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, “peoples’ financial stability” should be “people’s financial stability,” and “corporation skills” should be “corporate skills.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of studying business over history, focusing on the practical advantages of business education. The writer presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant arguments and examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by addressing potential counterarguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.