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Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Modern technology is developing and spreading all over the world. It is thought that technology development can help reduce the number of crimes. Others, however, believe that it inspires crime. Although technology opportunities may help prevent crime, I believe that it increases numbers of crimes.
With the help of technologies, crime may be reduced because it can boost social awareness. People know how to get all the information they need through the internet, and uploading details about recent crimes may reach all the people. Being aware of the events that are happening around us in the field of crime may help people avoid doing harmful things to themselves. In my town, for example, a shop was thought to sell donkeys meat and a few volunteers were able to record and post it in their social accounts, after which the government closed the shop with evidence in their hands. Secondly, the introduction of biometric systems has enabled us to reach personal information only through a person. People’s information can only be seen with their agreement. Bank accounts have the same system as well. Voice identification, finger, or hand prints are the ways to reach bank accounts. In Japanese banks, people have to present their face for scanning, after which they can enter the building and take money from their bank account or put money in. thus, technology development can decrease crime.
I, however, believe that using technologies inspires breaking the laws for several reasons. Firstly, dark web activities provide a platform for illegal activities, such as drug dealing, human trafficking, and the sales of illicit goods. Scrolling through the net, teenagers, or even adults can be part of those illegal activities. They can enter the platform by chance, but after which they start digging deeper into the site, get interested in illegal activities, and start engaging with those things. They also start dealing with drug, selling illicit goods, or even dealing with human organs. A boy who was thought to be a clever was found that dealing with drugs. His mother one day could not find his son, and when she reported the police, his son was found while giving illicit drugs to someone. When asked how he did this, he answered that he had found one site, entering it he got interested and started engaging such things. In addition, new developments in technology use have opened gates for cybercrime to enter the world. Hackers are very intelligent that they can break through almost any protections. The codes they know enable them to work freely and hide their workplace from the police to find them. Keeping a big amount of money in online bank accounts can be unsafe, hacking can steal the money of theirs. A mass of money was stolen from online accounts in my country, and hacker was found to be a clever young boy who learned IT from early ages at his school. Lacking from money made him steal others’ money using his IT skills.
To conclude, the introduction of updating technologies can help increase social awareness, and using a biometric identification system may reduce the crime. I believe that it does opposite the dark web activities, spreading through people, and breaking into online accounts using hacking methods in it and lots of opportunities not being found by the police.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be enhanced. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the body paragraphs could be more focused. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, and the essay would benefit from more cohesive devices. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer to previously mentioned ideas could be improved for better clarity.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
  • Make sure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “a shop was thought to sell donkeys meat” should be “a shop was suspected of selling donkey meat,” and “a mass of money was stolen from online accounts in my country” should be “a significant amount of money was stolen from online accounts in my country.” Improving the precision and appropriateness of vocabulary would enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.

The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. For example, “a shop was thought to sell donkeys meat” should be “a shop was suspected of selling donkey meat,” and “a mass of money was stolen from online accounts in my country” should be “a significant amount of money was stolen from online accounts in my country.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, would improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing personal opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed with additional supporting details and examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Make sure to fully develop your arguments and provide specific examples to support your points.
  • Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.