Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a debate over how the high-end technology affects on offense. While some people argue that it encourages criminals to commit morecrime when misused, I side with those who believe that technology development can help avert and reduce crime rate by offering opportunities in terms of CCTV and DNA tests.
On the one hand, these days, majority of companies are suffering from cybercrime which is attributed to the cutting-edge technology. That is to say, the hackers who steal others’ money by using smart computers which is just one example of drawbacks of the technology. Furthermore, it is evident that in most cases, juveniles are likely to offend because of damaging contents on social media. In other words, there are different people whose mindsets are damaged from badnesses on the social platforms. Some of them propagate terroristic approaches to the adolescents. By watching and following such people, most teenagers feel tendency to follow suit them as nurturing environment plays pivotal role in everyone’s behavior.
However, I would contend that the latest technology can provide people with the most effective ways to decrease the number of felony. Firstly, CCTV which can help population prevent illegal acts is becoming common day by day. This is because the venues that have surveillance cameras are less likely to be of interest to robbers as they know that they will be identified easily by being seen by cameras in these places. Secondly, the new technology incorporates some useful devices for investigating in terms of DNA tests. In other words, it is easy to know how the crime took place and who committed if this kind of forensic devices are applied appropriately.
In conclusion, although modern technology has some disadvantages I would still advocate it is more beneficial to prevent and decrease crime by using CCTV and DNA tests.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the two sides of the debate, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support the main idea will help improve the overall coherence. Using a wider variety of linking words and phrases will also help create a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, repeating key words in the essay and using synonyms will help reinforce the main points and improve overall cohesion.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the high-end technology affects on offense” should be “high-end technology affects crime,” and “damaging contents on social media” should be “harmful content on social media.” Improving the precision and appropriateness of word choice will help enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, using a greater variety of vocabulary will help demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay contains a few grammatical errors, but they do not significantly impact the overall clarity or readability of the essay. For example, “Firstly, CCTV which can help population prevent illegal acts is becoming common day by day” should be “Firstly, CCTV, which helps prevent crime, is becoming increasingly common.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will help improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of grammatical constructions will help demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. The introduction and conclusion clearly state the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide detailed explanations and examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. The introduction and conclusion clearly state the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide detailed explanations and examples. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style to better fit the task requirements.