Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Modern technology is developing and spreading all over the world. It is thought that technology development can help reduce the number of crimes. Others, however, believe that it inspires crime. Although technology opportunities may help prevent crime, I believe that it increases numbers of crimes.
With the help of technologies, crime may be reduced because it can boost social awareness. People know how to get all the information they need through the internet, and uploading details about recent crimes may reach all the people. Being aware of the events that are happening around us in the field of crime may help people avoid doing harmful things to themselves. In my town, for example, a shop was thought to sell donkeys meat and a few volunteers were able to record and post it in their social accounts, after which the government closed the shop with evidence in their hands. Secondly, the introduction of biometric systems has enabled us to reach personal information only through a person. People’s information can only be seen with their agreement. Bank accounts have the same system as well. Voice identification, finger, or hand prints are the ways to reach bank accounts. In Japanese banks, people have to present their face for scanning, after which they can enter the building and take money from their bank account or put money in. thus, technology development can decrease crime.
I, however, believe that using technologies inspires breaking the laws for several reasons. Firstly, dark web activities provide a platform for illegal activities, such as drug dealing, human trafficking, and the sales of illicit goods. Scrolling through the net, teenagers, or even adults can be part of those illegal activities. They can enter the platform by chance, but after which they start digging deeper into the site, get interested in illegal activities, and start engaging with those things. They also start dealing with drug, selling illicit goods, or even dealing with human organs. A boy who was thought to be a clever was found that dealing with drugs. His mother one day could not find his son, and when she reported the police, his son was found while giving illicit drugs to someone. When asked how he did this, he answered that he had found one site, entering it he got interested and started engaging such things. In addition, new developments in technology use have opened gates for cybercrime to enter the world. Hackers are very intelligent that they can break through almost any protections. The codes they know enable them to work freely and hide their workplace from the police to find them. Keeping a big amount of money in online bank accounts can be unsafe, hacking can steal the money of theirs. A mass of money was stolen from online accounts in my country, and hacker was found to be a clever young boy who learned IT from early ages at his school. Lacking from money made him steal others’ money using his IT skills.
To conclude, the introduction of updating technologies can help increase social awareness, and using a biometric identification system may reduce the crime. I believe that it does opposite the dark web activities, spreading through people, and breaking into online accounts using hacking methods in it and lots of opportunities not being found by the police.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use a variety of cohesive devices effectively (e.g., “Firstly,” “Secondly,” “In addition”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is good for clarity and focus. However, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow. For example, the transition from discussing how technology can prevent crime to how it can inspire crime could be more seamless.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of a range of vocabulary, particularly terms related to technology and crime (e.g., “biometric systems,” “dark web,” “cybercrime”). Your use of terminology is generally appropriate and contributes to a clear and formal style. However, be cautious with the use of informal or slang language in an academic essay. Additionally, be sure to fully explain any technical terms to ensure clarity for all readers.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay features a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. You use a range of grammatical structures effectively, including complex sentences and passive constructions. Your use of grammar is generally accurate, with only minor errors. However, be cautious with the use of informal or slang language, as it can be out of place in an academic essay. Additionally, be sure to use proper punctuation to enhance clarity and avoid run-on sentences.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. You address the task effectively by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the topic. You present arguments and examples for both sides of the debate, which shows a thorough understanding of the topic. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support your arguments. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more formal tone and the use of more precise language.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Try to maintain a more formal tone throughout the essay.