Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Technology is increase to development and also crime situation is increase day by day. Some people think that if technology do not development to stop it, crime also decrease, but another believe this situation encourages for crimes. Although crime rates would benefit more if technology became more modern, however, i believe the more it increases, the lee crime will occur.
On the one hand, criminals benefit from modern technology. Firstly, if criminals learn of the hacker, they use this method and use it to collect money from others trough hacking and phishing methods to replenish their funds. This ways is cybercrime ways, so this is more dangerous. Moreover, this is a very difficult way to get involved in drugs. With modern technology, you can find out quickly and easily. Another similar crime that is punishable by a very heavy penalty is human trafficking. In this case, many people are paid a very large amount of money and are shown to be easy to do, and now many young people are being trafficked this way.However, both are considered very seriously crimes and are punishable by death.
On the other hand, i believe that the more technology increases, the less crime there is. Initially, as technology becomes more modern, new technology are created thet are better and more powerful than the old once. Nowadays, surveillance cameras installed everywhere can tell who owns every person and even cars. During this time, crimes committed by criminals are recorded on video, and during this time, we can find out who did them and what bad things they did. In addition, GPS tracking devices and drones tell us what is happening on the group from the sky. It is built in such a way that even if there are please where livelihood is illegally built, the alarm will go off. In a recent interview, a leader who was in my country showed us clearly, from the way we live to how our yards is built. The dones fly in the sky and the inspectors also use them for difficult or thicky.
In conclusion, one should be wary of cybercrime and similar crimes, which they only use for their own benefits. It’s good to have technology development and we need to know how to use it in the right ways, let’s pay attention to the thing op person that is causing us some small mistakes.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with cohesion. For example, transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak, and there is some repetition of phrases like “modern technology” which could be varied for better flow. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas is sometimes confusing or unclear.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary related to the topic of technology and crime. However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, such as “increase to development” instead of “increasing development,” and “the more it increases, the lee crime will occur” instead of “the more it increases, less crime occurs.” Additionally, there are some repetitions of words and phrases that could be replaced with synonyms to improve variety and precision.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not generally impede communication. The essay features a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity, such as “if criminals learn of the hacker, they use this method and use it to collect money from others trough hacking and phishing methods to replenish their funds” which should be “if criminals learn of hackers, they use these methods to steal money through hacking and phishing, thereby replenishing their funds.” Additionally, there are errors in verb tense, preposition use, and article use that need correction for improved clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the relationship between technological development and crime rates. However, the arguments are not always well-developed, and there is some repetition of points. The essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments and a clearer explanation of how each point relates to the overall thesis.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis.
- Provide specific examples to support each point, and ensure that the examples are relevant and clearly explained.