Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe thatit actuallyencourages crime
Some humans think that technology improvement decreases crime, while others believe that it virtually inspires crier.
Some people argue that the advancement of technology reduces the effort for crime while others think that technology actually makes crime easier. Personally, I am a supporter of the first opinion, only on crime, but also on other factors.
On the one hand, developments in technology have paved the way for an emerging kind of crime: cyber-crime. Nowadays most of the crimes are committed over the internet. So some criminals withdraw money from people’s bank accounts. Or cand send the money to his bank account number. The worst is identity theft. In which one person steals another person’s personal information and distributes it to others.
On the other hand, today’s technology is also effective in quickly identifying crimes. It is benefit for society. First, high-tech gears can help detect offenders effectively. Following this, another use of technological developments are to prevent crimes. For instance, released convicts will usually be forced to wear a GPS tracking device.
To conclude, although there are sound arguments as to why technology developments can facilitate crimes, I believe that, in reality, it can help avert criminal activities.
Mamatqobilova Shodiya
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Transitions like “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” help guide the reader through your argument. However, the cohesion between sentences and ideas within paragraphs could be improved for smoother reading. For example, the transition between discussing cyber-crime and the effectiveness of technology in crime prevention could be more seamless.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
- Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Your vocabulary is appropriate, with terms like “cyber-crime,” “identity theft,” and “GPS tracking device” relevant to the topic. To enhance your lexical resource, consider varying your language more to avoid repetition (e.g., using synonyms for “crime” like “offense” or “illegal activity”) and ensuring the accuracy of your terms and phrases.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not generally impede communication. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need attention. For example, “So some criminals withdraw money from people’s bank accounts. Or cand send the money to his bank account number.” (It should be “they can send the money to their bank account number.”) Pay attention to article use and plural forms to ensure grammatical accuracy. Additionally, some sentences are incomplete or fragmented and could be revised for clarity.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. You clearly address the prompt by discussing both viewpoints on whether technological development decreases or facilitates crime. Your introduction and conclusion present your opinion, and you provide reasons and examples for each side. However, the essay could be improved by offering more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments, such as statistics on crime rates or case studies of how technology has been used to prevent or solve crimes.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea to improve the overall structure and clarity of the essay.