Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe thatit actuallyencourages crime
Some people believe that technology helps to reduce level of crime while others think that it increases crime.This essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the initial.
On the one hand in the recent years crime that based on modern technologies has more increased.For instance almost all of the teenegers and adults always used to mobile phones.And another example kiber sports thatʼs computer games types have been gatting developed day by day.This modern computer technologies led to crime.In other words it is reason for getting money from bank account or information about peopleʼs indentify in illegal ways.
On the other hand, this technology development may declines crime.Nowadays technologies are so necessary for online education, connection ,medical syatem and etc.These arenʼt definitely illegal things.Now more people are finding their own lost things than before people.Because modern technologies help this work.There are many safety technology.They maybe chip in the own thing or camera in the shops,markets,police stations and other pleaces.Such as camera helps to arrest criminals which robbed anything from shop or beat anyone.
In my opinion,technology getting better decreases illegal work.Right, sometimes technologies led to crime but i has more useful features against crime than itʼs demages.Honestly, I think technologies never produce to happen any crime.Just people use from it for these ways.
In conclusion, the technology development may open the way for crime.However,I believe that it shows huge impact on the path against crime.
Kamola Xolboʻtayeva
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less fluid. Additionally, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs is weak, affecting the overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your points in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “cyber sports,” “computer technologies,” and “crime prevention.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are several grammatical errors that hinder the clarity and readability of the essay. These include issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both viewpoints on the issue of technology and crime. The writer presents a clear opinion that technology is more beneficial in reducing crime than it is harmful. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and evidence to support the claims made. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the opinion more clearly.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position.