Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe thatit actuallyencourages crime
It is argued by some people that the technology development could impact on reducing crime in nations, while others believe that not only could it not help decrease crime , but it also encourage criminals to accomplish more crimes. In my opinion, the positive impacts of the technology on crime issue outweigh it’s adverse part. This essay aims to clearly illustrate both perspective and the importance of technology in controlling the number of crimes around the world.
On the one hand ,because of the advanced technology many cameras are installed in public pleaces, such as shopping malls, parking and private houses. It is easy to find if someone did bad things by observing. For example, there is a popular monitor in every country, normally people install it on entrance doors of their houses the owners have an application which can controll the camera receive signal from it on their smartphones, so they could know if their house are safe or not.
On the other hand, updated technology provides more changes to criminals, as they get personal information so easy in the present day. For example, a lot of people were scammed on social media, including Instagram and TikTok recently. Cheaters used a technology tool to steal people’s private informations, such as family members, age, work etc. Then using it to cheap people. As a result, people lost their jobs, money, even their life.
In conclusion , technology can aid police officers to find criminals also can be used against law by bad people, which causes more crimes.
Musurmankulova Dildora.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with coherence, such as abrupt transitions and unclear connections between ideas. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, affecting the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “coherent,” “surveillance cameras,” and “digital age.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, such as “the technology tool” and “private informations.” Additionally, the use of more precise and varied language could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the text. However, there are several grammatical errors that can hinder understanding, such as issues with subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended to improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of technology on crime. However, the arguments could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise and impactful.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point and is well supported by relevant examples.