Some people think tha the best way to increase the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries. Others belive that it is more important to improve the school facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some humans think that the correct way to improve the education is to rise teacher’s wage. Others believe that it is more important to make comfortable with new school facilities. Two views are extremely useful, while I prefer to improve the school facilities.
Everyone studies in school from young and then, went to study in university. As well as, some school facilities are extremely old and out of order today. Children went to study to have new facilities to offer. But whereas directors wrote applications about these issues, these issues still cannot be solved by government. They will have studied in formal and pretty rooms rightly. In addition, many children have achieved high scores about pugilism, swimming and other sport fields. Experts are declining day by day about academic fields. This shows it, there are no have full comfort to offer for study.
Teacher’s wage will be increased that still good idea, because each teacher spend more money for family. But teacher’s wage is increasing for only can useful to them, because students change relationship to teacher during to pass high classes. For instance, students may not listen teacher’s tips and attend the lessons. So, many students prefer to work from foreign countries, despite learning the academic knowledge. If school facilities will be improved, students might return interesting again to study. Government will have provided new facilities in school. Students will extremely happy and they might try to learn more important information in school.
In conclusion, I feel that two views are enough correct. But government must provide the modern facilities for students of bright future.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, “Children went to study to have new facilities to offer” could be rephrased as “Children go to school to benefit from new facilities.” Additionally, “Experts are declining day by day about academic fields” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that hinder understanding. For example, “Teacher’s wage will be increased that still good idea” should be “Increasing teachers’ wages is a good idea.” Additionally, “Students will extremely happy and they might try to learn more important information in school” should be “Students will be extremely happy and they might be more motivated to learn important information in school.”
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on how to improve the quality of education, but it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. The writer’s preference for improving school facilities is clear, but the argument could be more fully developed with additional supporting details or examples. The conclusion restates the writer’s position but does not effectively summarize the main points discussed.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
- Consider providing a more balanced discussion of the two views to fully address the prompt.