Some people think that art is an essential subject for school children while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is a debate over whether fine art is crucial for children or not, with some saying it is definitely important, others arguing it just a non-essential task. While children can improve their imagination by learning an art, I agree with the latter view that the young generation need to focus on more significant fields to become a better specialist.
On the one hand, proponents of the former view have valid points to consider art as an essential component of children’s study process. Firstly, art really helps kids develop their creativity and problem-solving skills, which may be useful in many aspects of life. For instance, if a child learns to paint or design, it can inspire him or her to create innovative things in some fields like engineering or business. Secondly, art encourages unsociable children to express themselves through their illustrations. To exemplify, if some kids are not able to explain something orally, they can use visualization they create themselves.
On the other hand, only becoming master in art can not guarantee you to find a satisfying job. There is enough competition among artists as demands for this domain have been falling down year by year. Therefore, many aspiring artists struggle to sell their works or find a stable job, leading to a lack of income. Furthermore, children should learn core subjects such as math, science, or language since employers prioritize technical and mental skills rather than artistic abilities. As long as they can excel anything in those fields, they never face challenging in finding an appropriate job, thereby increasing salary and creating a chance for promotion.
In conclusion, some individuals believe that art is a crucial component in a child’s life because it can constribute enhancing inspiration. However, I think that it could be brilliant to acquire other essential fields like medicine or math that are more important in life.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “unsociable children” should be “introverted children,” and “there is enough competition among artists as demands for this domain have been falling down year by year” could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, “children can improve their imagination by learning an art” should be “children can improve their imagination by engaging in art,” and “a lack of income” could be rephrased as “financial instability.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition use, would improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views on the importance of fine art in children’s education and providing the writer’s opinion. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made, such as the benefits of creativity and problem-solving skills developed through art, and the practical focus on core subjects like math and science. The essay’s argument would be strengthened by a more detailed exploration of the counter-argument and a deeper analysis of the potential long-term benefits of studying art versus core subjects. The conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the key points discussed.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your position.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.