Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a suggestion that going to school should be from an early age yet there is another opinion to begin it from 7 years old. Although both of the views have advantages, I think that going to school is supposed to start at the age of seven.
Schooling in an early year has been practiced in many developed countries beginning formal preschool for young children, usually aged from four to six, which has shown some positive impacts. To be specific, some children might have capabilities to learn, to reason and problem-solving skills from young ages. These kids could be in the future potentially leaders who can progress in many fields of the science. Furthermore, those who go to the kindergarten or school before reaching seven years are able to adapt to society easier and faster. It means that they are more sociable and emotionally stronger to communicate with the society in their environment.
In contrast, beginning formal education at an older age such as 7 or later is a rational way to upbring younger generation successfully. As it covers all types of mentally developed children, there is no fluctuation in educational process. Moreover, students who reached exact point in physical and mental health are more confident, independent and have soft skills. They can also handle all challenges in their studies and may have satisfactory or even perfect performance. In fact, children at this age have their own opinion to solve problems and may express themselves independently.
In summary, parents who are responsible to upbring intelligent and educated children, that our society needs, should take into account their offsprings’ abilities when get them into school, but I think it is more advantageous to start getting education at the age of seven or later.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s opinion, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The body paragraphs each discuss a different view, but the connection between them could be made clearer with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the points you have made in the essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase “upbring younger generation successfully” could be rephrased as “successfully raising the younger generation.” Additionally, the phrase “soft skills” may not be clear to all readers and could be replaced with a more explicit term. Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of academic language, but minor revisions could enhance clarity and readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase “These kids could be in the future potentially leaders who can progress in many fields of the science” could be rephrased as “These kids could potentially be future leaders who can excel in various fields of science.” Additionally, the phrase “students who reached exact point in physical and mental health” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and sentence structure, but minor revisions could enhance clarity and readability.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the topic by discussing two different views on the appropriate age for formal education and providing the writer’s opinion. The introduction and conclusion clearly state the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide a detailed explanation and examples for each view. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of starting formal education at an early age and the counterargument of starting at an older age. The writer’s position is clear and well-supported throughout the essay. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that the discussion is fully balanced. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument in places and provide sufficient detail and examples to support your points.