Some people think that children should grow up in countryside than in a big city.Do you agree or disagree?
Most people believe that children should be born and raised in the countryside rather than in the city. I agree with this statement because children do not have the opportunity to study in modern educations and their health problems are not under the supervision of experienced doctors.
First of all, living in the rural areas has a negative effect on the modern education of most children. This is because, lessons and subjects of countryside schools are in the old system. Also,they are not provided with modern technologies , computers, resourses , e-books necessary for their study. For example, in one of the school in the village, the classrooms where natural sciences are taught are not equipped with modern equipment, there are not even enough exprements to conduct chemical experience , computer technologies and new knowledge are not learned.
Another drawback, is that living in the village does not provide necessary treatment for children health. When they suffer from various health diseases, they are treated in local polyclinics in the area, but they are not as good as they can be under the supervision of qualified doctors in the city and in comfortable hospitals. For instance, in many villages in remote and mountains areas when children are sick, they have to travel a long distance to a hospital for a medicine, and they are limited in going to the doctors check-ups that are conducted every month to keep children healthy.
In conclusion, I disagree that the expressions of children growing up in the countryside rather than living in the city because they do not get knowledge in modern education system and they do not have experienced medical specialists in their bad health conditions.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the counter-argument.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.