Some people think that children should grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals believe that children should grow up in the village rather than in a modern city. I completely agree with this statement.
Fist of all live in the village is more beneficial for children. This is because an essential aspect of good health is access the natural resources such as fresh air, clean water and organic foods. However living in the city presents some challenges. Many artificial foods and air pollution nowadays can have a negatively effects on children as they grow up.
Furthermore, living in the village safe environment for children. However cities often happen car accidents and crime rates. Doctors say that in the last 10 years, the majority of such car accidents have happened to children.
In conclusion, I agree living in the countryside is better than the city because the natural environments support their health and safe their growing up.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good understanding of grammar and punctuation rules. However, there are a few errors that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the benefits of village living for children, as well as a more thorough discussion of the potential drawbacks of city living. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your argument.
- Provide a more detailed exploration of the topic.