Some people think that children should learn only certain subjects rather than studying all subjects. Do you agree or disagree?
It is widely believed that students need to concentrate on only certain subjects related to their future career paths at school rather than paying attention to various irrelevant subjects. While there are some benefits of studying specific subjects, I believe that they should also allocate time to study other subjects included in the school curriculum.
On the one hand, children can benefit a lot from focusing on specific subjects at school. These subjects can help children develop skills required for their chosen professions in the future. Only certain subjects can affect children’s decisions and their success in the future. Additionally, studying fewer subjects allows students to save their time from unnecessary subjects that individuals may never use in the future. For example, in Japan, children are suggested to study specific fields of study during younger time, whereas this helps professional growth.
However, a wide range of subjects allows students to discover new talents and interests, which these may boost critical thinking, creativity, and understanding quickly — while skills are essential for personal and professional growth. For instance, a broad education that includes diverse subjects, such as history, literature, and arts, can provide competition on repetitive work and education. Furthermore, at least time, lots of companies and factories require specialized ones that can be well-rounded students of the modern world.
In conclusion, while focusing on specific subjects can effectively prepare students for their future careers, they should spend time on other subjects included in the school curriculum.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic, providing a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with more specific examples.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.