Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
It is often argued that a competitive spirit in daily life and work is beneficial, while others believe that cooperation should be emphasized instead. I believe that competition is not inherently harmful unless it involves unethical means to achieve success.
On the one hand, proponents of cooperation argue that collaborating and supporting one another is the key to building a brighter future for everyone. Working together fosters stronger bonds between individuals, creating relationships founded on love and respect, which can help eliminate societal evils. In contrast, if people only worked individually, selfishness and jealousy could become widespread. This notion is evident in the world of politics, where history is replete with examples of power struggles, such as siblings betraying each other for the throne, assassination attempts, and other destructive acts.
On the other hand, humans are inherently driven by the desire for self-improvement and achievement. Although narcissism and excessive self-interest are negative traits that can lead to various problems, this instinct to compete can also motivate individuals to work hard and strive for excellence. Furthermore, when competitiveness is accompanied by a spirit of generosity and devoid of hatred, it creates a productive environment where everyone is motivated to improve themselves and contribute to their communities. For instance, when a student helps a classmate understand the syllabus, both benefit: the student solidifies their knowledge and enhances their interpersonal skills, while the classmate gains a clearer understanding of the material.
In conclusion, competition and cooperation should not be viewed as opposing forces but rather as complementary concepts. By combining the two, we can achieve both personal growth and societal progress.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there could be better use of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
Suggestions
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points. However, the introduction could be improved to more effectively introduce the topic and the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to more effectively introduce the topic and the writer’s position.