Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In our days, competition at different places in society is such a progress that make us better in various things. However, some people think that we should not race with each other and try to work together in one team. Both of them is help to keep the peace in our modern world.
To start with, competition in daily life, at work, at school, and etc. is the most important thing to motivate people to important their skills in several part of their life. For example, approximately a lot of people use this method to be better in their skills. They race with somebody to make sure them that they the best in that thing.
On the other hand, numerous number of people is support that collaborating with other people is much better than racing with them. They think it might be a problem their mental health. For instance, racing with people in all part of their life, made them addicted to competitions, so cooperating more rather than competing against of each other is the best solution for them.
In my opinion, a balance between competition and cooperating is the most effective method. Competition can drive process while cooperating in team. For example, sport players play in team by cooperating with each other, but by this way it made their own career better.
In conclusion, to keep peace in modern life, we should choose balance between two things. Cooperating more, but do not forget about mental competition. Working in a team also is kind of competition.

5.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with cohesion and coherence. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect (e.g., “Both of them is help to keep the peace”). The transition between paragraphs and ideas is sometimes abrupt, making it difficult to follow the argument.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately.
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth and logical.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, with terms like “motivate,” “collaborating,” and “mental health” used appropriately. However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices and collocations (e.g., “important their skills,” “numerous number”).

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some error-free sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that hinder understanding. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and preposition use. Proofreading is essential to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on competition and collaboration and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the arguments are somewhat repetitive and could be further developed with more specific examples and a clearer structure in the body paragraphs. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.