There has been a continuous debate over the topic whether people should be more competitive or cooperative at workplace, at school and in everyday life. Some people argue that having competition is better, while to me working together gives significantly more benefits to both individuals and society as a whole.
To begin with, having pressure on the workforce will lead them to better outcomes. This is usually because should employees try to beat their colleagues at competition in producing greater results, they tend to allocate considerably more time on completing their task carefully. That results in improving efficiency and gaining significant advantages. Another possible reason why competition is thought to be advantageous is it requires constant growth in both education and work. Students, for example, will be more dedicated to the subjects they study and explore additional materials to stand out in the pool of less hardworking students. That is to say, since people love being praised, achieving greater results and being rewarded for the accomplishment can be a great motive to study hard.
On the other hand, to my perspective, cooperative skills seem to hold a great deal of benefits such as sooner results and chance to learn from others’ mistakes. One advantage of working in a team is individuals can share the project in parts with others and have one significant task completed in less time than it is done alone by one individual. This should be because when several minds come together, they usually come up with better ideas improving their overall efficiency. As a result, they meet deadlines sooner accomplishing challenging tasks with shared difficulties. Another advantage of team work is opportunity for less experienced persons to work and analyze mistakes of other members. Because they can learn on each other’s mistakes and faulty moments, they now can learn more and have increased effectiveness. They do not only learn from others, but they can also help communities more by sharing their own experience they gained in the sphere. As a result, individuals would have tendency to see growth sooner than those who always undergo every problem themselves they face on their projects.
In conclusion, although competitiveness can provide a few advantages to individuals, having cooperated projects will result in better outcomes as a whole society assisting many more people.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a varied vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of synonyms to avoid repetition.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of grammatical structures to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s own opinion. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the counter-argument to provide a more balanced view.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with relevant examples.