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Some people think that competition at work ,at school, and in daily life is a good thing .Others believe that,we should try to cooperate more rather than competing against each other.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Building a competing environment is considered as a good thing by some people in every aspects of life ,whereas others prefer to make collaborations .While healthy competition brings improvments in many fields in terms of speed and quality.I believe that,the mix of cooperation and competition can be better for social orientation and work as well.
There are some distinct benefits of competitions .First of all ,it will affect the quality of our work .For example,If we look at some school pupils’ life ,they all have some kind of rivalry against each other .When one student gets higher score from the given subject ,this will create ambition for others to get this high score and they will begin to study hard to reach that level of understanding the subject.Second a hand, competition not only affect the quality of the work ,but simultaneously its speed could grow.For instance ,giant companies like Coca-cola and Pepsi always compete against each other and they will try to deliver their products to consumers as fast as they can .The more they reach the consumers,the more they get income from this business .This also plays a crucial role in their services.
But, what if we apply both competition and collaboration in the fields like healthcare, food producing ,factory working ,school and university educations ,the result would be not bad ,I guess.In the field of healthcare ,it is important to work as a team ,because when you are general healthcare doctor and your patient come to you and say his problems with his nose ,the real issue might be result of respiratory ,so your mission there is to send this patient to secialist in their field rather than guessing the potential illness.And this is called collaboration at work,but we also need cometition as well as we mentioned in previous paragraphs.We can encounter the mix of these two notion in education .Studies show that studying with groups than on your own can be more beneficial,as there are both collaborational and competitional environment.
In conclusion,Although competition can bring increase in many aspects of life ,Constant competing mood is not healthy .So I believe that,the combination of both competition and cooperation may bring more benefits

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance on the issue.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
  • Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay shows a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and precision. The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could also benefit from a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion.

Suggestions
  • Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
  • Provide a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion to your essay.