Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Certain individuals hold the view that high-risk sports need to be restricted and others believe that this is peopleʼs choice. I agree that dangerous sports should be banned, as they pose significant risks to individuals.
Focusing on arguments in favour of banning extreme sports firstly, if these sports are prohibited it leads to safety concious. Banning dengirous sports would protect individuals from serious injuries or even death. For example, many countries have rock climbing. This sport is not always safe, as it exposes participants to risks such as an snapping rope. As a result, people may die. Next argument is that public health costs will noticeably increased. Due to the fact that dangerous sports can result in costly medical bills. Banning them could potentially alleviate the financial strain on healthcare services, freeing up resources for more essential medical needs.
Having said that eradiction of risky activities may not be essential because every people have their own interestes which known as a personal freedom. Individuals should have the autonomy to make choices about their personal lives, including participating in high-risky sports. Banning these activities infringes upon personal freedoms and individual autonomy. For example, rock climbing can be dangerous, but many enthusiasts take precautions, such as using safety equipment and receiving proper training because after they are doing this type of sports, people are absolutely teaching by persons who are good at these activities.
In summary, even though some individuals are against the opinion that hazardous sports should be banned. Due to the fact that these sports cause many problems which releated to peopleʼs life and from an economic perspective, dangerous sports can reduce financial gains.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. More explicit signposting language could help guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing and make your arguments more clear and persuasive.
- Ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate throughout the essay.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be clarified to improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are unclear or ungrammatical. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or ungrammatical constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, and the body paragraphs each focus on a single main idea. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more thorough discussion of the opposing view to provide a more balanced argument.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples. This will help to make your position more convincing and your essay more well-rounded.