Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals argue that risky sports should be banned, while others believe people should be permitted to choose. It’s true that allowing dangerous sports can lead to severe injuries or even fatality. However, I firmly believe that it’s more beneficial for both personal freedom and economy.
On the one hand, why more people think that risky sports should be banned is that safety concerns. Banning dangerous sports could protect individuals from serious injuries or even death. It’s the responsibility of the government to ensure the safety of its citizens, and certain extreme sports pose unnecessary risks. For example, banning base jumping in urban areas. This sport involves off tall buildings with a parachute, and accidents have led to severe injuries and fatalities.
On the other hand, allowing people to choose dangerous sports can be advantageous. One advantage is that, personal freedom. People should have the autonomy to make choices about their own lives, including participating in dangerous sports. Banning these activities infringes upon personal freedoms and individual autonomy. For example, rock climbing can be insecure, but many enthusiasts take precautions, such as using safety equipment and receiving proper training. Moreover, extreme sports often generate revenue and boost local economies through tourism, sponsorships, and related industries. Banning these sports could lead to economic losses and unemployment in affected areas. For instance, ball riding events draw large crowds, generate tourism, and create job opportunities for event organizers, ball breeders, and local businesses. Banning it could lead to economic losses in regions where it is popular.
In conclusion, while some people believe that banning dangerous sports is necessary to ensure public safety and reduce injuries, others believe individuals have the right to choose their pursuits. In my opinion, these activities can be highly beneficial for the economy and physical health.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and link them back to the main point of the essay.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be revised for better clarity. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors that could be revised for clarity and improved grammatical range. Additionally, the use of passive voice is sometimes awkward and could be revised for a more active and direct style.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The writer discusses both views and provides relevant examples to support their arguments. However, the position could be more clearly stated in the introduction and conclusion, and the argument could be more fully developed in some areas.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay and that you fully develop your arguments.
- Provide specific, detailed examples to support your arguments.