Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many people argue that extreme sports should be banned, while others disagree with this approach. In my point of view, it should be free to choose for many reasons, such as it helps people to get adrenaline and to get out of boredom by making their lifestyle more interesting.
On the one hand, perception of people that pretending to outlaw high-risk activities isn’t pointless, because there are some safety concerns for this. On top of that, by doing so, they would protect individuals from serious injuries or even deaths. It’s the responsibility of government to ensure the safety of its citizens, and certain adventurous sports pose unnecessary risks. Take parachute jumping as a pertinent example. Some people used to jump skyscrapers, and it might cause severe injuries and fatalities.
On the other hand, and in my opinion, these high-risk activities should be based on personal freedom. People should have the autonomy to make choices about their own lives, including participating in dangerous sports. Banning these activities brings upon personal freedom and an individual’s autonomy. For example, rock climbing. Despite many concerning fatalities every year, most people still participate in these sports, and the main reason for this is getting a high amount of adrenaline and entertainment, which helps people to get out of life kind of full of boredom and lazyness .
In conclusion, while some people argue that extreme sports should be prohibited, others and me counterattack with the ideas such as personal freedom and setting upon an enduring lifestyle.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and restating the opinion.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of punctuation is not always accurate, which can affect the clarity of the writing.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views on the issue and providing a personal opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made.