Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that dangerous sports should be banned by governments due to some harmful sides, while others argue that individuals should have freedom to choose activity by own. I side with those who feel individuals should choose the activity by their own due to extreme sports may provide individuals with a sense of relaxation.
Coming to the view of banning extreme sports by governments, supporters argue that these activities may create serious risks to participants like health and safety. Sports like skydiving and rock climbing often involve life-threatening situations, which can cause injuries. For example, some statistics show that extreme sports accidents account significant number of emergences every year. Plus, supporters to this view believe that society has to deal with the results, such as expensive medical treatments and emotional stress for families. For this reason, banning extreme sports keeps people safe.
On the other hand, there is opposite view that people should have the freedom to choose their activities, even if they involve some risks. Participating in extreme sports provides individuals with the sense of relaxation and thrill that they might not find elsewhere. For example, many introvert people find that activities fun, which is the rare way for relaxing for them and sometimes improve their mental health. Additionally, appropriate safety rules and some training can reduce risks, making these activities safer. I believe also believe that banning dangerous sports would influence personal freedoms and discourage a culture of adventure and exploration.
In conclusion, while banning dangerous sports,skateboarding and surfing, may reduce the risk of happening injuries and protect people from harm, I wholeheartedly believe that individuals should have the freedom to choose their activities. Instead of banning extreme sports, governments should focus on implementing strict safety and educating participants with some trainings.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the two sides of the argument, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. More explicit linking phrases would help to connect the different points more cohesively. For example, after discussing the risks associated with extreme sports, the essay could more explicitly link these to the argument for allowing such activities by stating how these risks can be managed through safety measures.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, the phrase “emergences every year” is not idiomatic and should be replaced with “emergencies.” Improving the precision and appropriateness of the vocabulary used would enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would be more appropriate for the task.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect the overall clarity and readability. For example, the phrase “banning dangerous sports,skateboarding and surfing,” should be “banning dangerous sports, such as skateboarding and surfing,” to ensure proper punctuation. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, would improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language and a more academic tone would be more appropriate for the task.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and the essay provides relevant examples to support the points made. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style. The use of contractions (e.g., “I’m,” “don’t”) should be avoided in formal writing. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more thorough discussion of the potential counterarguments to the main points. This would provide a more balanced and nuanced perspective on the issue.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective.