Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Extreme sports, such as snowboarding and mountain climbing, are gaining popularity all over the world. These activities provide a sense of excitement whereas they can result in life-threatening injuries or even death. While some people feel that action sports should be banned by government due to health care, others think it is beneficial as personal freedom, I side with the former.
Thrill sports have a significant risk of severe injuries and death. High-risk sports cause more treatments compare to the traditional sports such as football or swimming. Extreme sports, by their nature, involve high speed, heights and dangerous conditions which could result fatal accidents. I think health care role significant factor in our life. Therefore, authority should ban all kind of that to decline the statistics of harm or even death. There are fewer injuries requiring expensive medical treatments, for instance, traumatic brain injuries (TBI): causes by head impacts, they may need surgery, long-term therapy, or cognitive rehabilitation, and prohibit extreme sports helps individuals and governments to save money, freeing up financial resources. These savings might then be spent on other harmless activities or hobbies such as arts, education, or non-risky sports. Engaging in such pursuits can also bring good achievements, including personal fulfillment, skill development, and community contributions, without exposing participants to unnecessary risks.
Individuals have the right to choose their activities and take risks as long as they do not harm others. This may sound right at first, but the technical lack of this statement is that an individual’s freedom should not override the freedom rights and welfare of the whole society. However, personal freedom allows individuals to explore their limits and pursue their passions, which contributes to personal development. This growth can translate into opportunities for a further career, especially in fields like professional sports, media, or coaching. Moreover, athletes especially famous ones in these areas, more often than not, earn more money through sponsorships, endorsements, and championship winnings. In fact, new generation spend their leisure even quality time on social media which might be useful for inspiring them via posts or blogs, for instance, with Instagram and Facebook by them.
In conclusion, I believe that overall banning hazardous sports will have advanced enormously due to health care and further benefits and despite some potentially negative sides of it such as personal liberty.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “health care role significant factor in our life” should be “health care plays a significant role in our life,” and “prohibit extreme sports helps individuals and governments to save money” should be “prohibiting extreme sports helps individuals and governments save money.” Improving the precision and appropriateness of vocabulary will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “health care role significant factor” should be “health care is a significant factor,” and “prohibit extreme sports helps” should be “prohibiting extreme sports helps.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion could be more balanced, and the arguments for each view could be more fully developed. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points and restate the writer’s position. Ensuring that both sides of the argument are equally discussed and providing robust support for each point will enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples and evidence.