Some people think that hobby is essential for their life while others think that it is just time consuming Do you agree or disagree?
Regarding some people’s views, they think that hobbies are significant for their daily commute. However, others believe these hobbies can waste their time. I agree to the first opinion.
On the one hand, when people do their hobbies and they enjoy them as well as they do not meet with angry condition. May be some works or tasks can be funny for humans and they have a great time. According to some researchers, they believe that hobbies can make pleasure time. And also most people accent. We do not lose our good mood. Mainly, these like activities can be kept, and 90% % trust this can bring to successfully situation when they work hard. It can make good moods. Especially, I can especially say about salary which can add up to fortune through do their hobbies. So, I believe that topic is useful for people.
On the other hand, opponents think that hobbi is an unnecessary job. Although this is becoming a nice thing. According to their minds, leisure activities take people’s gold time, despite it giving more opportunity in their daily life. However, the opponent’s sentences are true if hobbies are become bad or useless, and also, they can be detrimental for humans’ health. For example, some people like smoke segaret and just like things. So that’s why there are two typical of the nice activities. These hobbies can consume people’s time. Anyway, I enjoy hobbies as rich people.
To conclude, I knew all things had negative and positive impacts. So people should use as good assistance from hobbies.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less clear. Additionally, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully connect your ideas within paragraphs.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “leisure activities,” “detrimental,” and “gold time.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, such as “hobbi is an unnecessary job” and “consume people’s time.” Additionally, the use of idiomatic language is limited and could be improved for a more natural tone.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that hinder clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Additionally, there are some punctuation errors, such as missing commas or periods. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay presents both sides of the argument regarding the importance of hobbies, clearly stating the writer’s agreement with the view that hobbies are beneficial. However, the argument could be more fully developed with additional specific examples or evidence to support each point. The conclusion restates the main idea but does not provide a strong summary or reinforcement of the argument.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point or idea.