Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Opinions are split on individual dependency, with some people arguing that we have become more independent. I am, however, inclined to side with those who believe that there is an increased interdependency among people.
One might argue that people are more autonomous these days. This is due in part to technological improvements, which allow people to access news, gain knowledge, and shop online without relying on others. Societal changes that focus mostly on individual autonomy also play a role in encouraging people to be self-reliant, with modern values promoting self-sufficiency and individual decision-making.
That being said, people now put more emphasis on support of others. On social media platforms, such as Instagram and X (formerly Twitter), people tend to seek approval and acceptance by posting pictures and videos, asking for opinions of their followers or friends. This action could be the sign of people being reliant on each other, at least from an emotional perspective.
In my opinion, individuals depend on others in terms of achieving common goals as well. This is especially true among employees, who are likely to produce better projects within a team as a diversity brings different ideas to the table, contributing to the success of the task. In other words, the interdependency, coupled with cooperation can be a key element in executing a plan or striving towards a success.
Granted, technology might have played a role in allowing people to be independent in some ways, including but not limited to accessing news, knowledge and online shopping. However, I would argue that people are more dependent on each other for emotional support and success.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and the body paragraphs are well-structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are few grammatical errors, but they do not impede communication.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated and supported. However, the conclusion could be stronger.
Suggestions
- Try to make your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion more forcefully.