Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Whether individuals have become more reliant on each other or not is a matter of debate, with some arguing that they are more independent now. I am, personally, inclined to agree with the latter viewpoint for several compelling reasons.
It is true that people may seem to be dependent on each other because of globalization. A lot of countries are interconnected to each other as never before. This interconnection has created a web of dependencies for trade, resources and goods among authorities of different countries aiming to build a more prosperous nation.
Notwithstanding these arguments, I believe that opportunities available for people have opened a door for being more independent. One such is technological advancements. The internet, for example, contains a lot of information and educational resources for conducting researches and gaining knowledge independently. This may remove reliance on teachers, allowing individuals to learn and grow at their own pace, without being dependent on traditional educational structures.
Another technological development that has diminished people’s reliance is artifical intelligence. Ai-based tools like Chatgpt, Monica, and Gemini are now capable of handling tasks that once required human collaboration and interaction. These softwares can assist people to accomplish their tasks more swiftly with an increased effectiveness and without anyone’s support.
In conclusion, the need for trade of resources with other nations may have made people reliant on each other. Nonetheless, I would argue that technological shifts like development of the internet and emergence of artificial intelligence have empowered individuals to become more self-sufficient.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Consider rephrasing the introduction to make the topic and your position more clear.
- Make sure to fully develop all of your points and provide sufficient support for your arguments.