Some people think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that children can benefit from outdoor activities rather than online games. I absolutely agree with this view due to some reasons.
On the one hand, many children relish playing outdoors with their friends. Although these activities take up significant time, they can be highly beneficial for children’s overall well-being. For example, engaging in outdoor play helps improve physical fitness by encouraging activities like running, jumping, and climbing, which strengthen muscles and improve cardiovascular health. Additionally, outdoor play fosters social skills as children interact with peers, learn to cooperate, share, and resolve conflicts. It also provides a natural environment for stress relief, allowing children to unwind and refresh their minds after schoolwork or other structured activities. Moreover, exposure to sunlight during outdoor play boosts vitamin D levels, which is crucial for bone health and immune function
On the other hand, whether other think that video games could have negative impact on children, but I believe that online games have a positive aspects, for example playing video games can enhance children critical and logical thinking, that’s why while they are playing video games they should think and create new ideas, quick decision making. In other words, many online games require fast and critical thinking and encourage the creation of unique ideas, as game developers aim to showcase and develop children’s talents. Furthermore, children can apply the talents they develop through gaming to real life as well. For instance, the problem-solving skills and creativity honed in games can translate into improved performance in academic tasks, better decision-making, and enhanced creativity in various aspects of their daily lives.
In conclusion, although there are some benefits of outdoor activities, such as improving their health, learning to work together, and resolving conflicts, I believe that online games can be much more beneficial for children, such as enhancing their both critical and logical thinking, and it helps to find a job.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction clearly states the position, but the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points in your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.