Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think that it is a fault of the parents.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays some people believe the governments should responsible for the rise in obesity in children . the government should not increase the governments are take care of the children , but it is that habits to children , so many parents don’t forbid their children , and then the children do a lot of things in the years . I think that some of parents putted a lot of forbids and laws . For example many people think that have done a lot of intends their children , and they are putting a several laws and rules. For example limited eating fast foods and playing online games and etc.
On the other hand think that it’s the fault of that parents, but it’s nearly true idea because many rich parents don’t see their children . And their children don’t do many works , and as a result their children are obesity and they are not a lot of acts but they are do many acts , and parents control what children eat at home and can instill healthy eating habits from an early one . And after they also have the ability to encourage physical activity by promoting sports or outdoor plays.
In my opinion both the government and parents are sharing responsibility for the rise in children obesity,and at the same time , parents should lead by example,making informed choices about food and promoting an active lifestyle .
In my opinion I think that many parents don’t see their children obesity addressing children obesity requires a combined approach
Abdullayev Asilbek
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured to discuss both views on the rise of childhood obesity and to provide the writer’s opinion. However, the organization of ideas can be confusing, and the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inadequate, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the transition between discussing the government’s role and parents’ responsibility is abrupt, and the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize your key points.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “obesity,” “forbid,” “intends,” and “instill.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more specific and varied vocabulary could help to strengthen the argument and make the writing more engaging.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay features a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that hinder the clarity of the writing, such as issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Additionally, there are some errors in punctuation and spelling that can detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the responsibility for the rise in childhood obesity and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the ideas could be more fully developed, and the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and evidence. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style to better align with the expectations for IELTS writing.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with relevant examples and evidence.