Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
These days , some people believe that more children get fit because of less care of thier parents , while others think tha t the government has more responsibility for this. This essay wil discuss both viewpoints and personally I acknowledge that the parents should pay more attention to thier kids.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why it is the fault of the government. One of them is that there are not enough places for training of children such as fitness centers and swimming pools that the government should invest in and build. In addition, students at school have to take more break after difficult lessons like math.
On the other hand, the parents have to spend more time on thier children sitting behind computer all day and having false diet . Nowadays, it is common for kids to play online games and chat with friends on social media such as Instagram or Telegram. Because of less attempting, the number of obesity grows among children. The parents should control thier kids daily habitats.
In my opinion, the parents are more responsible for this issue and aslo there are some solutions against this. First of all, kids getting fit have to attend to gyms on the daily basis and secondly they should focus on thier daily diet and consume more fruits and vegetables.
In conclusion, extra weight is a global problem among young people. Some believe the parents should take its responsibility, while others think that it is the fault of the government. This essay has discussed both points and provided my own opinion that the main reason is that the careless of the parents.
Safarov Jasurbek
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, but these do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are several grammatical errors, including those in the use of articles, prepositions, and verb tenses, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points being made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the opinion.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.