Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some individuals think that the government is responsible for the growth in obesity children,while other think that it is a fault of the parents.
Nowadays some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity children fault,but I think that it was of the parents but there are kendergarden children are eating fault so children are very often obesity.
Nowadays some people believe it is the parents,In response,it can be said that a person’s behavior depends on many factors,including,environment, and personal choices. Therefore, it may not be fair to place all the blame on parents.
In conclusion many children have eat right.I think that it is fault of the parents they are take care of them
Mamatov Bekzod
The essay is somewhat organized, but the ideas are not clearly connected. There is no clear progression in the response, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the views presented.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to connect your ideas more clearly.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some skill in the use of synonyms. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are not grammatically correct and that obscure the meaning.
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views but does not develop the argument effectively. The ideas are not fully explored, and the essay lacks a clear structure with no distinct introduction, body paragraphs, or conclusion.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support each view.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed.
- Consider incorporating specific examples or statistics to support your arguments.