Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some individuals think that the government is responsible for the rise obesity in young generation, while other kinds of people think that this issue is a fault of the parents.
Nowadays, some people think that the government is responsible for the rise obesity in young generation and these kinds of views are right. This reason is that, all of our young generation go to academies and they teach by special individuals who are teachers. The government in every country has their own money balance and they need to spend some part of their money for young generation. For instance, the governmemt might spemd their money in order to creat talanted teachers for teaching children in academies and this can help improve young generations’ mind and make new kinds of skills. Also, the government can discover new kind of methods for children and it might help change childrens’ behavior and they may ignore fast foods and other kinds of foods like this and it can keep children far away from eating too much.
The views of other individuals can give right information. They think like that, parents have falses in childrens’ behaviour and it is increasing obesity in young generation. Every parents in our world need to give explanations to their children about obesity and informations.
The parents should keep attantion on their childrens’ behaviour and they do not buy fast foods to their children and other foods which might be dangerous.
In conclusion, both of them have their faults on children caring, if they be more attantive on children and give explanations about life assumptions, they can decrease obesity in young generation.
Name : Misirov Sardorbek.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the author’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation and spelling that can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as subordinate clauses, could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the points being made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion.