Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think that it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that the government is responsible for the increase in fatness in children, while others be of the view that it is mistake of parents.l think that it is fault of parents because they always lives with their children,while there hasn’t any way that all of this belong to government.
Nowadays, government have to control in obesity in children because they must be aware,how their condition.First of all, this is very unfortunate for their health so council can easily control their life style by nurse.
It’s obvious that, over the six months will be observation by doctors over the country and this state every young children get medicine to different illness and this is the best way to be in good health in the future.For example, every baby after born will be under control by medic .Most of the mothers go to hospital in every two months in order to take medical care .If they didn’t take any medicine, after that in children maybe a bad condition like any sickness.
On the other hand, this maybe fault of parents.Firstly parents should responsible about their children.At the present day more parents are purchasing any items that their children say.In addition most of families are consuming fast foods.This kind of junk foods are very harmful, it’s true that they maybe tasty but full with calories.Besides that, more youngster always eats different high colorie things like eggs,meat and other this kind of things.However, they don’t any activity as parents and lead to fatness .
In my opinion, in this condition the council plays a crucial role.If the government did not any medicine to young children after born, they maybe ill in the future.On the one hand parents always be aware from their children life style.
In conclusion, the council in charge of increasing obesity in youngsters.
Poʻlatova Durdona
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the connection between sentences and ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately.
- Make sure that the use of pronouns and synonyms does not lead to confusion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “obesity,” “government,” and “parents.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices and collocations that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the language use. Additionally, there is some repetition of words and phrases that could be varied to demonstrate a stronger lexical command.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay features a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are numerous grammatical errors that impact the overall clarity and readability of the essay. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, article use, and preposition use. Punctuation rules are also not consistently followed, leading to further errors and potential confusion for the reader.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the responsibility for childhood obesity—government intervention and parental negligence—and by providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion is somewhat repetitive, with the writer presenting similar points under both perspectives. The opinion section could be more distinct and developed to clearly differentiate it from the preceding discussion. Additionally, the essay lacks specific examples or data to support the arguments, which could enhance the depth and persuasiveness of the response.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Make sure that your opinion is clearly distinguishable from the rest of the essay.