Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some individuals think that the government is responsible for the growth in obesity children,while other think that it is a fault of the parents.
Nowadays some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity children fault,but I think that it was of the parents but there are kendergarden children are eating fault so children are very often obesity.
Nowadays some people believe it is the parents,In response,it can be said that a person’s behavior depends on many factors,including,environment, and personal choices. Therefore, it may not be fair to place all the blame on parents.
In conclusion many children have eat right.I think that it is fault of the parents they are take care of them
Mamatov Bekzod
The essay is somewhat organized, but the ideas are not clearly connected. There is no clear progression in the response, and the ideas are somewhat repetitive and disjointed.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your points in each paragraph.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary and there are several inaccuracies in word choice and spelling.
The essay contains several grammatical errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. The range of structures used is somewhat limited.
The essay addresses the topic, but the discussion is not fully developed. Both sides of the argument are mentioned, but the essay does not clearly express a definitive opinion. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat unclear.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well developed with relevant details and examples.