Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some individuals feel that, government is responsible for the growth of obesity in kids however other people primarily believe that this kind of problem is made by parents.From my perspective, in this way the government is trigger a little but actually it is the fault of parents.
On the one hand, the government is responsible a little in this way this is because it is producing more and more products related which children consume, that is food productions. I think, the ingredients of this kind of food productions are different that make children fat. Clearly the government will announce its product and there will be some anxiety to get those food productions at the same time they will eat them as a result they become chubby. A clearly example is that, in the Korea the majority of people never get food productions like beef, meals with much oil, for their children it is because the calories of these products are fattening.
On the other hand the most of parents do not pay attention their children’s health, that is the rise of obesity in their children. I personally belive that, in this progress many parents are trigger. Every time, they will purchase more food productions for their children and they consume them as a consequence they will become overweight. Actually, the aspects of obesity are related to nutrition ordinary. To give a prime example, in the US most parents stopped purchasing food productions for their children after the death of kids in order to obesity.
From my point of view, in this progress the government do not play the vital role as a matter of fact the obesity increases because of parents.
To summary, parents should pay more attention to the health of their
children and in this progress the government do not a trigger very much.
Rajabov Behruz
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to restate your main points and your opinion in the conclusion to provide a clear summary of your argument.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are several grammatical errors that can hinder the reader’s understanding. In addition, there are some issues with punctuation and spelling, which can also affect the overall clarity of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.