Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while other think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think that it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays, some people think that the federal government is responsible for the increase in putting on weight in the children, while others think that it is the worth of the parents
There are several reasons that a lot of people think that it is the government’s fault because of this a lot of parents don’t take care of their children. On the one hand, it is worthy point, but it will be true because the federal will produce the bad meals, but clearly, it is the parents’ fault because they should take care of their children and they should to teach to their children do not buy the fast foods in the supermarket or restaurants. Moreover, the parents should control the children’s meals every day.
On the other hand, the community should control the data of meals in the supermarkets, restaurants, and fast foods. Moreover, it is clear that every year, the number of fast food consumers is increasing, and the fast foods are showing on TV and a lot of people watching it and interesting and for the reason they are buying the fast foods and the obesity is increasing in children every year.
In my opinion, this is the parents’ fault because they should take care of their children and they should teach their children what they eat.
In conclusion, some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think that it is the fault of the parents.
It is actually the parents’ fault because they should take care of their children.
Mengliyev Akbar
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, “it is worthy point” should be “it is a valid point,” and “the federal will produce the bad meals” should be “the government will produce the bad meals.” Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could help to strengthen the argument and make the writing more engaging.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, but these do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder understanding. For example, “it is worthy point, but it will be true because the federal will produce the bad meals” should be “it is a valid point, but it is true that the government produces unhealthy meals.” Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as subordinate clauses, could help to convey the arguments more effectively.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the responsibility for childhood obesity and clearly stating the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with more specific examples or evidence. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points and clearly restates your position.