Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Some have a notion that art is waste of government monetary resources, thus, there are more desirable ways to invest that money. I completely disagree with this opinion as the alternatives will not bear more fruit for a nation than art does.
To start, there are two misconseptions flowing around regarding art. First is that a lot of people get the idea that a tonne of money is poured into art sectors because of bidding. Having seen the examples of contemporary artworks being sold for million of dollars, people usually assume that the authorities allocating the same amount as well. Second, a lot of STEM supporters disregard the importance of art. They believe if more people opted for science-based subjects, the progress of human civilizations would fasten. However, the art can be the tool for appreciation, evaluation or criticism of the inventions. Philosophy is a shining example of adding critical thinking to newly appearing disciplines.
There are some sectors that are considered to be underinvested compared to art. People might say that the authorities’ first priority should be public’s health. No one disagrees that healthcare infrastructure needs a lot of financial aid, but the investment share of art is minimal compared to the healthcare’s. Therefore, not only would the change be unnoticeable, but it’s believed that confiscating people of art would bring more harm than good. Moreover, people believe that better education should be the focus at the cost of development of art. I do not subscribe to this idea since educating people involves a lot of art disciplines, such as, history, philosophy and architecture. Hence, people should not divorce the artistic component from human development.
In conclusion, exclusion of art will not lead to the better outcome for major institutions.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “a tonne of money” should be “a ton of money,” and “bidding” should be “bidding war.” Refining word choice and ensuring the correct use of idiomatic expressions will improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will improve readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “a lot of people get the idea” should be “many people believe,” and “a tonne of money is poured into art sectors because of bidding” should be “a large amount of money is funneled into the arts due to competitive bidding.” Correcting these errors and ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that government funding should not be redirected from the arts but should be maintained. The writer provides a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a different aspect of the issue, and a conclusion that reinforces the main points. The essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments, but the overall response is effective and persuasive.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-developed and supported.