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Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people support the idea that schools prepare students to be a good citizen and workers rather than enhance their individual skills. I agree with the given statement and I will provide my own stance on the topic.
There is one main reason why I think children are taught to be good workers as well as citizens at school. It is the intervention by governments. To clarify, it is far easier to keep simple workers under the control in comparison with those who are well-rounded and well-educated. Therefore, the school curriculum is mostly designed to teach students only certain subjects ranging from science to humanities. However, the school syllabus hardly ever involves subjects about financial literacy or leadership skills. One of the countries, where dictatorship has strongly rooted, KNDR can be a perfect case in point. The KNDR government isolated its population from the rest of the world. People, here, are not simply allowed to watch foreign TV channels, let alone use the internet. As a consequence, the citizens unconsciously follow the patterns which were created by the government, resulting in the enhancement of the government but in the collapse of the nation too.
However, it is worth mentioning that the situation is changing for the better in most developed countries. That is to say, educational programs at schools have been enriched with special subjects about leadership and money management skills in recent years. Individual skills like decision-making and creativity are being fostered in children’s mind. For instance, students can make a choice independently while choosing the special subjects which are needed for their future. Moreover, they are provided with privileged loans to start their own businesses right after they finish school. These practices have made a great positive difference in terms of economy and living standards.
In conclusion, although I consider schools instruct children to be so-called “polite workers” with no interests to politics due to the governmental influence, there are some countries where children are brought up as open-minded individuals who have their own opinion.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.