Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People believe that instead of educating students as individuals, the main goal of schools is to prepare obedient citizens and employees. I absolutely agree with the provided statement and I will highlight the reasons in the following body paragraphs.
The school teaches students the program that the government has approved. There is one main reason why school students do not have enough knowledge about individualism. To clarify, the school curriculum directs to be good government employees. In most cases, there are no subjects that can prepare young people for adulthood and give them the opportunity to adapt to an ever-changing world. For example, subjects like STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) are often prioritized because they align with high-demand job markets, while arts and humanities are marginalized in many schools. This prioritization reflects a utilitarian approach to education, focusing on skills that serve economic needs rather than upbringing well-rounded, individual thinkers.
The school’s support of student interest would play a big role. In detail, some young generations have to seek help outside of school to achieve their goals. This would save them time and money because they have to go to school and have additional lessons. In addition, focusing on emotional intelligence, mental health, and the overall well-being of students, helping them discover their passions and talents. For instance, Montessori schools method emphasize individualized education, allowing students to learn at their own pace and follow their interests. A child interested in art, may spend more time exploring creativity while still covering foundational subjects. This method nurtures a child’s typical motivation and promotes personal satisfaction and self-discovery, contributing to a sense of fulfillment.
In conclusion, I am highly in favour of teaching individualism to the young generation in schools. It can help them to adapt to the ever-changing world and find their passions and talents.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be further developed and supported with more specific examples.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully and support it with specific examples.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.