Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

The idea of whether or not women should have equal rights to work and enhance their career with men sparks debate among individuals, dividing them into two opposing groups: supporters and opponents. Opponents consider that with taking care of children and doing housework women should be limited. In my view, there is no reason to deter women from working and developing equally alongside men in job spheres.
Everything in the world has it is own place and roles. Roles of women are not only about taking care of household activities and children but also about finding their own way in life and individually developing. Development of a person starts first with communicating, expressing their ideas, doing research in studies, having interest and passion towards their student life and being employed in the profession that they would suit. Men, in many countries has been believed as a people who try to manage financial problems by finding solution to them and as a caregiver in terms of earning money working and doing everything in order to combat financial duties. However, when it comes to women, they are considered as people who should stay at home by doing activities such as cleaning, cooking, ironing and whatnot and also by taking care of children. People who have such claim are the one who does not know anything. In detail, children spend most of their time at home with their mother starting from the very fist days of their life until they get older and find own way. During this long period of life, men who are fathers do not usually spend time together with their children because of work, unless mothers are the people depending to whom the child’s future would form. Giving better explanations towards life needs self-experience that is why women should also be educated and employed. These two are the things without which life is not interesting and even compelling. There is a believe about the future generations behavior and development lies on the shoulders of parents and especially of women. Turning to other useful sides of working for females is that they would have a chance to solve monetary problems together with their husbands or family members that can improve the family’s financial situation. Being equal in every situation is necessary because in every place there are things that men can not do and vice versa.
In summary, the belief that women should have equal opportunities to work and excel is not just about fairness; it’s about creating a better future for everyone. It’s about harnessing the full potential of humanity, promoting economic growth, and ensuring that all individuals have the chance to lead fulfilling lives. Limiting women to domestic roles is not only unjust but also detrimental to societal progress. Therefore, I firmly believe in empowering women to achieve their career aspirations and contributing fully to society.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the very fist days of their life” should be “the very first days of their life,” and “a believe” should be “a belief.” Refining word choice and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a more formal tone throughout the essay will help maintain a consistent and appropriate style.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “everything in the world has it is own place and roles” should be “everything in the world has its own place and roles,” and “children spend most of their time at home with their mother starting from the very fist days of their life” should be “children spend most of their time at home with their mother from the very first days of their life.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a more formal tone throughout the essay will help maintain a consistent and appropriate style.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the importance of women having equal opportunities to work and excel in their careers. The writer presents a clear stance, supporting the idea that women should not be deterred from working and developing alongside men. The essay provides relevant arguments and examples to support this view, but the overall coherence and flow could be improved. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of women’s empowerment in the workforce.