Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In knowledge needed world, the question to whether youngster should investigate their precious hours to full-time education. While learning is the key to mindset growth as well as leadership skills, I believe engaging with only education lead them to possible damages on their social behaviours but also make them less resistant in some cases.
One of backbone advantages of having full-time education are widening by mindset and opening unseen talents like leadership skills. For example, in early ages, some functional part of the brain which accept information would be intense. Therefore, learning wide range of subjects, especially those taught at universities, widen the overall knowledge base. As a result, it lets youths win every field, noting how firm and strong their mindsets are. As a plus, after graduating, finding job would not be hard them, especially in times when the companies need the employees with leadership skills who can overcome in any competition, as much as could set clear goals toward growth.
On the other hand, there are doable consequences that may effect the young students adversely. Like having full-time education may derive them to be in lack of social behavior. In some universities or even at schools, there are many students who can not engage with others cause of overstudying. In turn, as they age, it turns to be huge issues especially to their healthiness. Furthermore, this type of students may not be resilient when facing some difficulties in the future, such as managing stressful situations, collaborating with peers, or adapting to unexpected changes in their personal lives. Because in this society, having strong social boundaries is much important.
Overall, while full time education may be the key to our growth in mentally, however this could make the youngs less resistant and being in lack of social boundaries.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some issues with word form and tense agreement that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with more specific examples needed to support the points being made. The conclusion could also be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance on the issue.