Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
There is a view that youngsters must be required to have full time education until their 18 years. Although there are some arguments justifying the aforementioned point, I completely disagree to full time education in early age, as it restrains children from their childhood as well as mental limits of the early age
Experiencing enjoyable childhood is the reason for eliminating the full time education. Lifespans of the people seem like too short, if they do not spend their early age with entertainment and recreation. If full time education will be compulsory, it leads to unhappy and miserable growing of children. This means that there are too much time to complete the any kind of education after the 18-year olds. Until then children or teenagers may spend their time with playing, wandering, laughing or relaxing instead of diving into the full time education. There must not be any kind of barriers to restrain children and youngsters from not to spend their early age as they want.
Shortage of the power of brain is another reason for destroying the full time education system. That means that, even though youngsters have a willingness to learn large proportion of database in full time education, their brains can not afford to analyse them. That is to say, in early age of the human, brain grow by forming its perspective through listening or seeing of surrounding materials. However it would be strain a d pressure for brain to learn many things in early age. For example, many children who parents send them to the study in their early age tend not to be genius or sophisticated
In conclusion, despite some justifications of full time education, I believe that it must be eliminated because of its distracting features in childhood and small size of children’s brain in child is stronger and it enables to reciev.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the introduction could better guide the reader about the upcoming discussion. The use of words and phrases like “that is to say” and “however” is somewhat awkward and disrupts the flow. The connection between different points could be improved with more varied linking words.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your points in each paragraph.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved. The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices. For example, “shortage of the power of brain” could be rephrased as “cognitive overload.” “That is to say, in early age of the human, brain grow by forming its perspective through listening or seeing of surrounding materials” is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are some errors that affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and sentence structure. For example, “$There is a view that youngsters must be required to have full time education until their 18 years” should be “There is a view that youngsters should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old.” “$This means that there are too much time to complete the any kind of education after the 18-year olds” is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of mandatory full-time education for young individuals. The writer presents a clear stance, advocating for the elimination of such a requirement, and provides reasons to support this view. However, the argument could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments and providing more detailed evidence to support the claims made.
Suggestions
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.