Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that youngs must be required to study in full time education until their eighteen years. While some believe that it is not appropriate approach due to tough schedule for children, I support that point because of compelling superiorities such as preventing coming regrets and mental development for children.
Racking timetable is one reason of all-day lessons. Children may tired or bored continuous lessons without break. As a result, they may pretend themselves as a sick or try to skive. Besides, exam or awful relationship between classmates may cause suicidal actions by children. Last but not least, juniors should spend their time independently in their early age instead of hard pursuit.
However, such initiatives can save child from unpleasant future. Nowadays, for instance, more and more people, including children, are spending their time by watching reels on the phone. Ultimately, they will realise that they just wasted their time, miss their childhood and respond themselves that is why they did not learn anything in their prime. In that case, it is pointless to cry over spilled milk because what is done is done. Hence, for keeping out of this destiny, juniors must study hard regardless of difficulties.
Development of child’s knowledge is another compelling reasons to implementation of compulsory all-day study. In fact, function of brain in child is stronger than adult. Additionally, child is submissive and it is baby play to make them under control. That is why government should train and embody juniors in their early age unstoppably with full-day training under obligation.
To conclude, despite some difficulties of full-time study such as tough daily routine, I believe that this implementation is the effective way to annihilate children potential incidents and to train them efficiently.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the introduction could be more effectively linked to the body paragraphs. The use of linking words and cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and could be more varied to improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay more effectively.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.

The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be clarified to improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the arguments more effectively.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay contains a number of grammatical errors that can affect the overall clarity and readability. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Proofreading the essay to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to make the arguments more compelling and the writing more engaging.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the arguments for and against requiring full-time education until the age of eighteen. The writer presents a clear position supporting this requirement, citing the benefits of mental development and preventing regrets as the main arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support these arguments and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.