Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely hold belief that full time education should be compulsory for youngsters untill they are at least 18 years old. I strongly agree with this statement as education plays a huge role in shaping person’s level of readiness for real life.
First of all, regardless of one’s economic background, gaining general knowledge should be mandatory and free of charge as education helps to shape a person’s future self. Education should be utilized as a tool that enhances one’s vision of the world and prepares a person for the hardships of real life in adulthood. The reason is that the world we live in is complicated in every aspect which makes it quite impossible to live comfortably with a decent income without obtaining some degree of education. Thus, gaining general knowledge for 11 or 12 years is crucial in framing one’s future personal and professional success.
Moreover, the reason behind mandatory education is not only to help young people prepare for the future but also prevention of exploitation. Keeping children in school protects them from child labor, making them focus on learning and personal growth. A specific example of the wide use of child labor in South Sudan is its average of less than five years of schooling. Furthermore after obtaining their independence many former USSR countries have enforced mandatory education that lasts for 11 years in order to eliminate child labor completely.
In conclusion, obligaory education of 11- 12 years not only prepares the future of the countly but also it keeps youngsters safe from child labor while making them focus on their growth and development.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of language to convey complex ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of language to convey complex ideas more effectively.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the importance of mandatory education for young people and its role in preparing them for the future and preventing child labor. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the writer’s position.