Some think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There is a claim that too much focus and resources are centered around averting animals and birds from disappearance in wild environment. I partially disagree with the notion as these wild creatures are an inseparable part of the existence.
The chief reason for the view that the protection of wild animals and birds now is capturing too much attention is negligence of those responsible bodies on other facets of societal conditions. More precisely, to prevent animals from extinction, too many resources including financial, and humanitarian interventions are necessary. In this regard, it is no surprising that other aspects of society such as the state of roads or the omnipresence of financial stratifications are left with little to no attention. From this standpoint, these people are righteous to criticize this policy even though these resources are funneled to the right thing.
On the other side, consideration of each wild animal and bird as pivotal in the environment is the underlying reason why I take issue with the claim. In this regard, food chain can be a clear illustration. In case no attention is given to the protection, they invariably become extinct. This, in turn, results in spoiling the way the nature functions as each part of the environment is inextricably intertwined with another one. Killing sparrows through human interference within the territory of China in the 2000s to protect their crops can clearly exemplify the case. As a result, the number of grasshoppers which are the main prey of sparrows increased significantly. This situation impacted negatively the state of farming as these grasshoppers ate all the crops. Therefore, I hold the view this policy is not without its merits.
To sum up, I partly disagree with the view that the protection of wild creatures captures too much attentions and resources. While others aspects in society should not be left with no attention, I believe that such policy is pursued practically.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “capturing animals and birds from disappearance in wild environment” should be “preventing the disappearance of animals and birds in the wild.” Refining word choice and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve clarity and readability. Additionally, using a more formal tone throughout the essay will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “The chief reason for the view that the protection of wild animals and birds now is capturing too much attention is negligence of those responsible bodies on other facets of societal conditions” should be rephrased for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more fully developed. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons some people believe that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds, as well as the counterargument that this is necessary for the conservation of the environment. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support these points. Additionally, the conclusion could be more fully developed to provide a more comprehensive summary of the arguments presented.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more comprehensive summary of the arguments presented in the conclusion.