Students leave high school without learning about how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this? What can be improved in students’ understanding of how to manage their finances?
Most students nowadays are graduating high school with a lack of knowledge about financial literacy. In my view, the main reason for that is the lack of financial education in school curriculums with inadequate teachers who do not have proper knowledge about finance. To address that the government and the heads of schools should implement new subjects related to money management coupled with educated teachers who teach the lessons interactively with practices.
The main problem of uneducated students with finance is the absence of subjects in the school curriculum. In most schools in the world, there are no exact subjects related to this skill, as they do not consider it as an important subject and argue that it is better to focus on exact subjects. There might be a vision where teachers think that parents are responsible for teaching their children with the knowledge of managing money properly while parents may think it’s controversial. As a result, they are leaving a huge gap in financial literacy in children’s future skills. Furthermore, since heads of schools don’t take these subjects seriously, they are not hiring professional teachers, and students are struggling with the lack of practical work in finance and learning. For example, in most schools in Uzbekistan, similar phenomena have been happening for ages where because of a lack of teachers, no specific but general subjects related to finance are conducting with teachers who even do not have a degree in this subject.
To address this issue, schools should incorporate financial education into the curriculum. This means the officials of the schools should structure new subjects with the latest data related to financial knowledge by cooperating with professionals. Then once the materials are checked and published, the government should invest in teachers’ education or find professionals related to that subject who conduct lessons. Furthermore, teachers should focus on more practical and interactive learning where students will have a chance to use their knowledge in real-life situations. Consequently, the new infrastructure of the curriculum is likely to result in educated students who can manage the budget, plan it, and use it effectively, leading to financial independence at a young age.
In conclusion, in order to address the issue of students graduating high school with the lack of proper financial knowledge, the government and the officials of schools should implement new subjects to the school curriculum and provide educated teachers who not only focus on theory but also practice with students interactively.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Flow and Organization: The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each aspect of the issue. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
Suggestion: Use more transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively, such as “Furthermore,” and “In addition to” to link related points more clearly.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Vocabulary Usage: The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, particularly terms related to education and finance. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be clarified.
Suggestion: Review and revise sentences with awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, “conduct lessons” could be more clearly expressed as “teach classes.”
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors.
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, including complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be addressed for clarity.
Suggestion: Review and revise sentences with grammatical errors. For example, “schools should incorporate financial education into the curriculum” could be more clearly expressed as “schools should incorporate financial education into their curriculums.”
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic in the conclusion.
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the lack of financial literacy among high school graduates and proposing solutions to address this issue. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The essay also provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic in the conclusion.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed exploration of the topic in the conclusion to provide a more comprehensive ending to the essay.