Task 1
The line graph illustrates how many people participated in five different activities from 2000 to 2020.
Overall, the data shows a significant increase in almost all activities, except amateur dramatics which experienced a decrease and martial arts which fluctuated during the given period . Moreover, the number of attendees of film club was the highest compared to other activities.
The number of individuals participated in film club started at around 64 and decreased slightly to 60 in the first decade, before rising to approximately 68 in the second decade, holding the highest position in the chart over two decades. Regarding to martial arts, there was little change in the figures for this activity. The number of interested people in martial arts fluctuated between 35 and 38 during the given period.
In 2000, 25 individuals were interested in amateur dramatics activities and the number of attendees rose to 30 in 2005. However, it fell down remarkably to 10 attendees at the end of the period. As for the number of participants in table tennis, it experienced the reverse pattern of the former activity. It started with just over 15 people, increasing to 20 people and remained stable until 2010, before reaching its peak of 55 individuals. Additionally, there were no one interested in musical performances in 2000. It started attending people in 2005 and increased to 15 attendees in 2020.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases effectively. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all information in the paragraph is relevant to that topic.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure could be improved for better clarity.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and examples.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific details and examples to support your main points. This will help to provide a more in-depth analysis and make your writing more persuasive.