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Task 2

Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In today’s world, although media and athlete celebrities are failing to set a good example, they are admired widely by young generation. Even though this development would certainly bring about some positive changes, I share the view that it is generally a change for the worse.
Admittedly, deep admiration for famous media stars and athletes has some benefits. One primary key advantage is inspiration. That is, many these well-known individuals can be a source of motivation. Many youngsters are taking encouragement from their idols, because of their determination and hard work, they are impressing miracles notion on children’s mind. These kind of role models are being a hint for pursuing their goals, because many of them have come from poor slums of countries. A famous football player Cristiano Ronaldo is a good example for this idea. When he was a child, he was doing everything for his survival, including sweeping the road or working as a waiter in a restaurant. However, admiration of famous people and hard-working leaded to become one of them of him. Additionally, these stars can be motivation to engage with different sport activities and healthy routine. That is, it is the fact that many people set beneficial daily routine to stay in shape on day to day life with the encouragement of media and sport stars. Take as an example me, I always watch videos of Habib Nurmagamedov who is one of the famous athletes in the world. Because of his inspirational videos, I held the discipline in my daily life. This , in turn, leads change in people’s life from reckless lifestyle to active lifestyle.
Notwithstanding ideas above, I strongly reckon that being captivated by celebrity culture has some detrimental consequences which cannot be overlooked. One of them is leading to bad habits. That is, majority of famous people, after being famous as well as wealthy, turn to dirty habits, such as abusing to drugs, overdrinking alcoholic drinks or rape of girls which are seemed destructive cultural norms. For example, famous singer, actor and cultural icon Elvis Presley is known for his unhealthy lifestyle, including substance abuse, which contributed to his early death. Curious nature of young people make them to be interested in these habits, because they adore their movie stars. Another drawback of idolizing media and sport figures is unsatisfacton of themselves. This is because many famous media stars and sportsmen are achieving higher results and earning top position in social status, despite of their young age. Famous young football player Lamine Yamal is playing for Barcelona Club and achieving unbelievable results in his 17s can be perfect example for this idea. Comparison of their parents might trigger to form dissatisfaction of youngsters from themselves, because they may be working hard but not accomplishing as young famous people did. This , as a result, bring about to halt young people’s career paths.
In conclusion, while looking up to celebrities and athletes might be beneficial in some ways, such as motivating youngsters to follow their ambitions despite the challenges or forming healthy lifestyle, I believe that they can form some detrimental habits on younger generations daily life and can cause less satisfaction from themselves.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure that your examples directly support your arguments.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “impressing miracles notion on children’s mind” is awkward and could be rephrased as “Impressing the notion of miracles on children’s minds.” Ensuring that words are used in the correct context and are appropriately formal will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that could be revised for clarity. For example, “because they may be working hard but not accomplishing as young famous people did” could be rephrased as “because they may work hard but not achieve the same level of success as other young, famous individuals.” Paying attention to verb tense consistency and ensuring that phrases are grammatically parallel will improve the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a well-developed response to the question. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the admiration for media and sports stars by young people. The writer presents a clear thesis statement and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more balanced discussion of the topic and by offering a more nuanced perspective on the issue. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive and provide a more clear answer to the question posed in the prompt.

Suggestions
  • Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples.