Task 2

Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In today’s world, although media and athlete celebrities are failing to set a good example, they are widely admired by the younger generation. Although this development may bring about some positive changes, I share the view that it is generally a negative one.
Admittedly, deep admiration for famous media stars and athletes has some benefits. One key advantage is inspiration. Many of these well-known individuals can be a source of motivation. Many youngsters are encouraged by their idols because of their determination and hard work, which impresses upon children the notion that miracles can happen through perseverance. These kinds of role models provide a hint on how to pursue their goals, especially since many of them have come from poor backgrounds. A famous football player, Cristiano Ronaldo, is a good example of this idea. When he was a child, he did everything for survival, including sweeping streets or working as a waiter. However, his admiration for famous people and hard work led him to become one of the best players in the world. Additionally, these stars can motivate people to engage in different sports activities and maintain a healthy routine. Many individuals set beneficial daily routines to stay in shape, inspired by media and sports stars. For example, I personally watch videos of Habib Nurmagomedov, one of the most famous athletes globally. Because of his inspirational videos, I have adopted discipline in my own daily life, which has, in turn, led to a shift from a reckless lifestyle to a more active one.
Notwithstanding the points above, I strongly believe that being captivated by celebrity culture has some detrimental consequences that cannot be overlooked. One major drawback is the promotion of bad habits. Many famous individuals, after achieving fame and wealth, fall into destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, excessive drinking, or engaging in criminal activities, which are seen as negative cultural norms. For example, the famous singer and actor Elvis Presley is known for his unhealthy lifestyle, including substance abuse, which contributed to his early death. The curiosity of young people makes them interested in these habits, as they often look up to their idols. Another drawback of idolizing media and sports figures is the dissatisfaction it creates in young people. Many famous media stars and athletes achieve extraordinary results and social status at a very young age. For instance, the young football player Lamine Yamal, who is playing for Barcelona and achieving remarkable results at just 17 years old, serves as an example of this. Comparing themselves to such figures might lead to dissatisfaction among youngsters, especially if they are working hard but not achieving the same success. This can result in young people halting their career paths due to feelings of inadequacy.
In conclusion, while looking up to celebrities and athletes can be beneficial in some ways, such as motivating young people to follow their ambitions or form a healthy lifestyle, I believe that it can also lead to harmful habits and a lack of satisfaction with oneself. Therefore, this is generally a negative development.
60 minutes / 508 words

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all clearly structured. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a different aspect of the issue, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use a variety of cohesive devices effectively (“Admittedly,” “Notwithstanding,” “For example”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is good for clarity and cohesion. To improve coherence, you could ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one and directly relates to your overall argument. For instance, after discussing the motivational impact of celebrities, you could more directly link this to the potential negative effects by contrasting their positive motivation with the risk of adopting negative behaviors.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and idiomatic language. You demonstrate a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic (“deep admiration,” “detrimental consequences,” “extraordinary results”). Your use of language is clear and effective, and you also use a variety of complex structures. There are a few instances where your word choice could be improved for formality and precision. For example, instead of “captivated by celebrity culture,” you might use a phrase like “preoccupied with celebrity culture” to convey your point more precisely.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is mostly accurate. A wide range of grammatical structures is used, and the majority of sentences are error-free. This includes the use of complex sentence forms and appropriate punctuation. There are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the readability or the overall quality of the writing. For example, in the sentence, “One key advantage is inspiration,” you could expand it to “One key advantage of this admiration is the inspiration it provides” for greater clarity and formality.

The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. You discuss both the potential positive and negative impacts of the admiration for media and sports stars, providing a balanced view. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reiterating your stance that the development is generally negative. To enhance your response, you could provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the positive impact of celebrity motivation, you could mention specific instances where athletes or media figures have inspired people to achieve their goals.