TASK 2 Some people argue that museums and art galleries should prioritize showcasing the national history and culture of their own countries rather than artworks from other countries around the world.
In recent years with a improvement of comunication more and more countries exchanging their history and culture with each other.And this kind of activities are dominating a heated debate among individuals.Some of them argue that authorities must take an actions to reduce the number of foreign exhibits and prioritize their own cultural and historical values. I completely disagree with this statement because of the fact that this action can lead people to the ignorance of other nations, and underestimating their national values.
First of all,it is right that every nation must know their historical background and cultural values, and spreading them among the population.Because without history there is no future for us.However, unhealthy obsession toward this sphere might transform into a narcissistic ideology. For example, people may start having the arguments with representatives of other countries that their values are more higher and better than others.Furthemore individuals might become insufferably bored from all this stuff, especially the young generation.
As I mentioned before, apart the problems with narcissism,some residents might become sicked up from the propagand of their national means, particularly school students. Because they probably want to learn not the only the history or art of their motherland but the foreign ones too. It will be so boring to them when they will go to the excursion for the local or the top museum in their country and will see the only exhibition about the stuff of their own country which they have already learned in school curriculum.
In conclusion, neglecting the values and history of foreign nations could led to the detrimental consequences as an egocentrism and sideling of their own cultural by the young generation.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures and shows an attempt to use a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that can hinder the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are clear and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with more specific examples.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your argument.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea.