TASK2 Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city. Do you agree or disagree?
Many people believe that raising children in the city provides them with better opportunities and resources compared to rural areas. While some argue that countryside life offers peace and a healthy environment, I strongly believe that growing up in cities is more beneficial for children. I completely agree with this viewpoint for several reasons. This essay will discuss two key reasons why I agree with this argument.
One of the main reasons I agree is because in cities have more opportunities for study than countryside. Higher education is well developed. Furthermore all instructors are highly educated and experienced. For example, in cities preparing for entrance exams is much more expensive than preparing for them in the countryside. However, although the expensive preparation, the result is good. So, I firmly agree this viewpoint.
Another reason I completely agree is living in the city from a young age broadens children’s worldview, meaning they grow up with a wide worldview. Being-open minded people helps you know or learn new things easily. Open-minded children can interact with people from different backgrounds and cultures, making them more understanding and empathetic. They can make friends easily and learn to respect others opinions. Moreover, to be wide worlviewer have a lot of advantages in social life and education.
In conclusion I strongly agree with the idea that more educational opportunities and helps to be open-minded children living in city the benefits of this argument. Therefore it is essential that raising children in cities more beneficial.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs each presenting a different reason, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the connection between the two reasons could be made clearer to improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing and make your arguments more persuasive.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs and between paragraphs is clear and effective.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly with terms related to education and child development. However, there are some awkward or incorrect word choices that affect the clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could help to strengthen the arguments and make the writing more engaging.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows an attempt to use complex language. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect the clarity and readability of the essay. In addition, there are some issues with punctuation and spelling that need to be addressed. Paying closer attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling, and proofreading the work carefully can help to improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of raising children in cities as opposed to rural areas. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with two main reasons, as instructed. However, the arguments could be further developed with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the overall persuasiveness of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points discussed and reinforcing the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and support them with specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces your position.